Oops! We are pregnant 🤰
Ok.
So, I became pregnant with my baby girl when I was in my final year of university (what a way to start this piece).
Well, my world is coming around in full circle with that same beautiful baby girl turning 7 this year, which has me reflecting on the last 7 years. Some of those years seem like such a blur to me.! It has me feeling all the feels, and I have thought about writing a blog post on my past for a long time.
I feel as though I am finally in the absolute best place in my life, and I can be extremely vulnerable and tell you my story. I am telling my story to reach out to moms who have been through similar situations or are going through this now and anyone else who can relate.
Some moments take us off guard, test our perceptions, and reshape our paths. One such moment arrived unexpectedly, breaking the flow of my last year of university and laying the groundwork for an experience unlike any other. On one fateful day in September, a simple test revealed that I was two months pregnant, and the rest of my life was permanently changed. I can hardly remember the millions of thoughts that went through my head as I tried to process this news, but I will never forget the two massive questions that seemed to be on a loop: “What am I going to do?” and “What are people going to think?”
Honestly, it was the second question that scared me more than the first. I was in a relationship, but not a strong one, and I wasn’t planning on getting married. I was not an honours student, my life at that time was triangular (class-church-hostel), and I was fully involved in church. I felt like I still had my whole life in front of me. Now, these dreams seemed to be suddenly sipping away.
I also felt really alone. This surprised me because I had some fantastic girlfriends in school, but now there was nobody I could relate to. None of them were pregnant, and none of them intended to be, at least not soon. I knew this news would undoubtedly become the centre of attention, which was the last place I wanted to be.
I didn’t have the slightest clue what the rest of my life was going to look like, and I was overcome with fear of the unknown. To be completely honest, part of me felt like I had died.
Before that, I had been grappling with bouts of illness, unaware that my body was nurturing the miracle of life within. As the reality of impending motherhood set in, I was overcome with feelings ranging from surprise to uncertainty. From one moment to the next, I felt feverish and nauseous, and all I wanted to do was lie down on the floor. Two weeks later, during a visit to a diagnostic centre, I found out I was pregnant. The moment the doctor announced the result, I almost blacked out. I asked her to run the test 2 more times and do an ultrascan.
I wondered how I was supposed to tell my conservative family that I’d been knocked up by a 24-year-old who still lived with his parents (in a way). I couldn’t process anything (or chose not to), I stopped an okada that took me to “Hexagon Rice” at Samonda Bustop where I bought the famous rice with a chilled bottle of Pepsi. Went back home, finished the food and started crying!
It was no easy task to manage my pregnancy and finish my last year of college. Balancing academic responsibilities with the physical and emotional demands of pregnancy presented its own set of challenges. Yet, with each passing day, I found strength in knowing that I was not alone. Supported by loved ones who rallied around me with unwavering encouragement and support, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery and transformation.
I was astonished and overwhelmed by the love and support. The folks who truly loved me were overjoyed, while the pals who didn’t disappeared. After I got past my first panic, I was completely fine.
I learnt to give people what I call the “probability clause”.
“probably he forgot”
“probably he didn’t think it through”
“probably she thought she was doing good”People will say rude things, but it’s unintentional (that’s the best way to know how to show love)!
What are you going to do? Are you and her father still together? Are you keeping it? ….. IT (moms, you know what I mean!)
As I journeyed through the rollercoaster of pregnancy, I discovered reservoirs of resilience and courage within myself that I never knew existed. Every kick, flutter, and milestone reminded me of the precious life growing within me, filling me with an overwhelming sense of gratitude and purpose.
Despite the uncertainties that lay ahead, I embraced the journey with an open heart, trusting that God would not fall my hands as much as I did his!
Being a mother was not all rainbows and butterflies. I admit, I was too young. My mind and body transformed into an entirely new person I couldn’t recognize. Postpartum depression hit me hard, and I wasn’t ready.
I was more worried about what others would think than about what I would do. That was more my problem than anyone else’s, yet there is a misconception about women who become pregnant outside of marriage. I was frightened of what others might think of me or say. Now, typing this, I don’t really know why. I was an adult (barely). Getting pregnant was not dumb or a mistake; it was just not in my plans.
It’s strange to say, but if we had been married when I became pregnant, I would not have been asked any of those questions. People do not comprehend that such questions are inappropriate.
During my pregnancy, I went to the university health centre to see a doctor because I was feeling so faint and spotting. We’d never met before, but I needed help right then. When I told her I was pregnant, she looked at me and said, “That’s unfortunate, I’m so sorry.”
A classmate looked me right in the eyes and told me they didn’t think I’d make it through my final year. I never said I wasn’t going to finish school, but because I was pregnant now, there were assumptions I wouldn’t be able to continue school. I know the individual wasn’t the only one who believed that, and I know there were no bad intentions, but those words are unintentionally harmful.
Did I become defensive at times? Did I make mistakes? Absolutely. I realized that it’s okay to let go of certain friendships. It doesn’t mean they weren’t meaningful; it’s simply a natural part of growing and changing.
I still get comments about “being too you” (not sure how else I am to behave). Someone said, "Oops” when I told them I had a five-year-old.
For me, abortion was never really an option (I toyed with the idea at one point). Even though I was truly scared and didn’t really “feel” pregnant yet, I knew that there was a real baby, MY baby, developing with a beating heart. So, any thoughts about this option were quickly put aside.
Adoption was another very real and beautiful option for many women in my shoes. But I decided that if this was happening, and I was going to have a baby, then I wanted to try to be her mom.
I faced a lot of judgement, especially once I began to show. I did my best to cover it up, wearing oversized sweatshirts for months, but as time went on and I approached my due date, the judgement became more apparent and isolating.
At 4:00 pm, on a Friday evening in March, I was vigorously cleaning the house. My stomach was tight and uncomfortable, and I felt nauseous.
I was a first-time mom and completely unsure of what to expect in childbirth. It was also still two weeks before my due date, so I didn’t think I was in labour. I sat on the floor for a few more minutes, feeling shaky and hoping it would all just pass. I didn’t feel any contractions, but as I sat there, my water broke.
Surprisingly, I didn’t realize what had just happened. It was such a very small amount of fluid that I simply brushed it off as some sort of thing that happens that you can’t control when you’re this far along in pregnancy. Since I’d completely misread this major sign, I went to the bathroom for a cold bath (as I was sweaty and tired), thinking I probably peeped on myself.
I didn’t go to the hospital until 11 p.m. the same day because, surprisingly, I did not feel any contraction pain (all through the birthing period). I was in labour for the next 14 hours—phew!
Finally, my bundle of joy arrived, and I’m grateful to have a tiny little munchkin to watch develop and cherish. I couldn’t put into words how overwhelmed I felt the moment I met Tiwa. It was almost an intuitive sense of protection and affection, and this new person in my life became the missing piece I had no idea I needed.
Now, here I am trying to raise my now-7-year-old the best way I know how. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world but the most rewarding. It is not easy raising a child and sometimes I feel as though I am failing.
Fast forward seven years, and here I stand—a proud mother to a vibrant, curious, and endlessly loving daughter who lights up my world in ways I never imagined possible. My journey to motherhood has been far from conventional, but it has been undeniably beautiful. Through the trials and triumphs, the tears and laughter, I have discovered the true meaning of unconditional love.
Today, as I reflect on the winding path that brought us here, I am filled with profound gratitude for every twist and turn of the journey. My story is not just mine alone; it is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit.
As I share my story, I do so with the hope of reaching out to fellow mothers who may be navigating similar waters, reminding them that they are never alone on this journey called motherhood.
I know some women battle with infertility, and my heart goes out to you. I am not attempting to offend anyone with this blog post, but if you are sensitive about the issue of pregnancy, please know that you are in my heart, and I entirely understand if this blog post is not for you.
I simply want to tell my story, my hardships, what I learned, and how I grew.
Cheers đź‘Ź
